I wrote a few weeks ago about my struggle with saying when I need help and the response has really surprised me. It seems this is such a common thing. Feeling you might be a burden, too used to being Miss Independent, worrying that needing help relinquishes control or makes you a failure.
But usually these are things we tell ourselves that really aren’t true. We’ve picked up bad habits to cope or protect ourselves when we needed and it’s stuck. Now with friends or family that would gladly help, we stick to those old habits and it holds us back. Life could be easier, lighter by sharing problems, we’d get more positive feedback by letting others in, raising our self esteem, rather than only listening to the voice in our heads that sometimes slips into negative mode.
So what can we all do about this?
Here’s a few things I’ve been trying or found out. I truly hope they help you toi:
1. Remember most people love helping. It makes them feel good. It helps them feel important to you. We feel special when someone lets us in on their personal thoughts. The person you open up to is far more likely to feel this way than burdened
2. Ask yourself what you would think if a friend shared their problem with you. I can bet it’s rarely anything bad. I can bet you’d want to help them. That you’d feel honoured they came to you. Sometimes thinking about how we ourselves would react, helps us step outside those habitual negative thoughts and get some truer perspective
3. Heard the saying “a problem shared is a problem halved”? It’s true. By telling a friend you team up against that problem. You get fresh ideas. It’s either solves or at least made more managable. It loses a little of its power and that power is handed back to you.
If you get a bit stuck into the negative someone’s and struggle to say when you need help, please bookmark this post to hopefully help you reach out when you need in future. Good luck