We thought, we prayed, we hoped | The Family Making Stories

We thought, we prayed, we hoped | The Family Making Stories

The journey to make a family is different for everyone, so to show the amazing diversity, brave women, men and couples are sharing in this new series “My Hope Squad Stories”.

Together, we need to change how others view the diversity in making families. To let them know it’s something beautiful, and if they are looking at their own options, they are’t alone. The Hope Squad have got their back.

Today’s story will have us all on the edge of our seats along with Shelly Mettling, hoping her happy ending is this 2018. Wishing Shelly all the luck in the world…

Hi “Just Little Me” Readers.
I’m Shelly Mettling and GIRL I don’t even know where to start with my journey so let’s just bring it ALL THE WAY TO the Beginning…
The Hubs and I decided to start TTC back in July of 2017 and ya’ll we were SO BLESSED to receive a positive HPT by August 2017… Like WHAT? For real, was it really going to be that easy? And the answer to that was unfortunately, NO!
After joyfully telling the family the news (because we just couldn’t keep it to ourselves) we soon after lost our little Baby at 6 weeks. With nobody experiencing this in my family I was TRAUMATIZED to say the least. What’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong? What if I jinxed it by telling others? Soooo many thoughts raced through my head, so many irrational thoughts might I add!
It didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t alone in this situation. There were others out there with a similar story to me and I had a platform (Social Media) to open up the conversation and make some connections. I THREW IT ALL OUT THERE to say the least! With a grateful yet broken heart I openly shared my story with the world and the outpour and love I received from woman ALL OVER THE WORLD who were in the same boat as me gave me so much comfort in a not so comfortable time of my life. This meant EVERYTHING TO ME!
Deep down something was telling me that I was MEANT to face these struggles, that I was MEANT to do something with my story. That there was meaning behind what I was going through, and that something EXTREMELY POWERFUL could come out of something that made me feel so powerless. <—— That feeling ya’ll gave me hope, gave me peace, gave me grace.

So my journey continues…

A month later, HOLY MOLY BABES A MONTH LATER we received yet another positive HPT. Amazing Right? My rainbow baby was here!
2 Days later it was gone. My HCG numbers didn’t rise and I began to bleed.
DEVASTATION to say the least! I was receiving packages in the mail from my pervious pregnancy (that I had excitedly ordered, rightfully so) and my emotions were all blended together. I was in a constant state of shock, a small piece of that positive hope I had briefly went out the window as now this went from a what I had found to be a common thing for woman to a not so common thing.
But with the Doctors reassuring me that there was most likely nothing wrong and that it could possible be from my IUD that I had removed not long prior to TTC to keep trying and the NEXT ONE will be a sticky one! SO WE THOUGHT, SO WE PRAYED, SO WE HOPED!
January 1st, 2018. THIS IS MY YEAR! How many hits can someone really take, am I right? Good is coming our way, I FEEL IT! This same day what do you know… POSITIVE HPT. But this time… a moment normally filled with joy & excitement had now been replaced with panic, anxiety, and fear.
After a confirmed blood test at the Doctor my numbers were doubling and THIS WAS IT! We had a sticky baby… but that deep down pit in my tummy just didn’t go away. A few short days later my motherly intuition told me something just wasn’t right. I made an apt with the Doctor and told him I wanted my HCG levels checked once more (he looked at me like I was crazy) and reassured me it was just my anxiety from previous trauma causing panic.
I got a call that night! The words “Shelly I have bad news” came from the other end of the line. “Your HCG levels are dropping”
Wanna know what’s weird?… I didn’t even cry! It wasn’t real. I was never even pregnant, I told myself. I felt this way because by positive HPT #3 I had managed to shut the excitement down TOTALLY because with excitement comes pain. That’s sad, Isn’t it? I have been completely robbed of what should be one of the most joyful moments of a mother’s life.
I told myself, Ok there is a plus side here! We are FINALLY going to get some answers because as probably most of you know the Doctors wait until 3 consecutive pregnancy loss’s before most testing is done (WHICH IS BOGUS if you ask me). So you’re telling me us ladies just have to continue playing russian roulette with our emotions before we dig deeper into the issue? Alright Alright Alright, I’m not going to go off on a rant about that here even though I HAVE A LOT to say about it.
So testing it is! We checked my Fallopian Tubes, the Shape of my Uterus, I gave 15 blood samples for genetic testing/blood clotting issues… EVERYTHING came back normal. Exciting news, right? Eh, you would think! Although there was a sense of relief getting that news it was also kinda like, really? So there’s NO explanation to everything I’ve been through the past 6 months? Hmmmmm, Ok? And now I’m just expected to keep this up? Keep Trying? {Insert Crazy amounts of fear here}
Here I am Ya’ll! Writing this post, sharing my story while I’m 7DPO in the 2 week wait and 6 days in on Prometrium (progesterone supplement) & Baby Asprin because at this point its the only possible solution to what’s been going on. WISH ME LUCK! The Emotions are intense, the sleepiness side effects are savage but I’ll do anything to end this rollercoaster. HOPING for the BFP but also fearfully terrified of it (I know you ladies in similar situation understand what I’m saying here) but we gotta push outside our comfort zones, face our fears, and continue to get stronger to get what we want out of life, right? And that goes for just about anything we face in our 100 years on this Earth.
There is one thing that I will be taking with me moving forward and one thing I wish for ya’ll to take with you as well… and that is SOAK IN THE JOYFUL MOMENTS! A few days ago I was listening to a podcast where they repeatedly explained that the NUMBER ONE regret most have at the end of their lives is not fully enjoying the joyful moment, because with joy comes easy heartbreak and we as humans protect ourselves from that and that is EXACTLY what I did with my last Pregnancy… I ignored the joy instead of embracing it.
My next Positive HPT I’m gunna party!!!! (non-alcohol kinda party of Course) but I’m going to scream, I’m going to cry, I’m going to dance, I’m going to CELEBRATE! Because no matter how long it lasts (hopefully 9 months) I refuse to be robbed of this Moment as a Mother. My baby NO MATTER HOW far ALONG deserves to be loved and recognized. YOUR’S DOES TO!
I would love to connect with you babes who can relate to my story (WE IN THIS TOGETHER GIRL) so add me on Instagram @ShellyMettling and shoot me a message.
Watch her emotional YouTube video I shared about my first pregnancy loss and how I felt about telling our family the news.

Click here for more brave and diverse stories from My Hope Squad

If you’d like a little extra support with issues brought up here, there’s a fab list here 

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