Whether you are trying to conceive through IVF or you are lucky enough to be able to do it the hanky panky way, the two-week wait to find out if it has worked can feel like an eternity.
We have tried via IVF more than once and I found each time I go through the same stages during this fortnight of limbo. It’s a test of true survival. A rollercoaster of emotions.
So it got me wondering, when trying to conceive, did you feel these stages too?
Stage 1. Officially PUPO
The deed is done whether that was sex or an embryo transfer and you are convinced that this time is the one. You felt a twinge that could have been an embryo implanting and swear you felt the tiniest bit of nausea this morning over breakfast. You keep finding your hand protectively placed on your imagined bump and declare you are PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)
Stage 2. The Positivity Bubble
You’re in the zone listening to fertility hypnosis, stretching into undignified fertility yoga poses, mainly with your legs in the air and no-one had better dare suggest it hasn’t worked. You known if you can just think positivity you can will your body to keep this embryo safe. You can get out of the washing up, grocery shopping, and anything else that vaguely resembles lifting (can you get the channel changer darling?
Stage 3. Symptom Watching
You felt a little sick this morning so ate a ginger biscuit and it went away. That’s basically proof you’re pregnant right? You boobs feel sore, definitely more than before your period and you swear you can see a bump starting early, it’s not just bloating. You start Googling early pregnancy symptoms at midnight and realise you either have them all or they just came on by the time you got to the bottom of the article. Not a coincidence! Though you warned yourself not to get excited too uickly, you begin to let yourself believe in this. You’ve logged into a fertility forum and asked what symptoms any of the preggo women got in their two week wait
Stage 4. Rock Bottom.
Your symptoms fade and you decide you aren’t pregnant. You’re feeling angry with yourself for ever believing in it and getting your hopes up. You get jarred off with anyone who suggested you need to think positively or that it’s too early. This is your body and you are convinced you would know if this had worked. Should you take a pregnancy test? You know it’s too early to show but feel like maybe it will help you stop wondering and your cousins, cousins, friends aunt got a positive at 4 day post transfer….
Stage 5. Pregnancy testing
You’re brain tells you its too early to test but you’ve seen women on Instagram who had positive tests at 4 days. You just know if you are pregnant it will show early for you too. You wander awkwardly down the supermarket aisles hoping no one sees you (dam why didn’t you think to order on Amazon a few days ago). You grab the earliest pregnancy test you can and sneak it through the self service tills. You decide you don’t need to wait for your partner to come home as it will be lovely to surprise him. You have already a huge announcement plan and will film it secretly for Youtube….
Stage 6. Was it too early?
The test turned out negative and you feel like you have a o=monkey on your shoulder telling you it was probably just too early and one of the other shoulder telling you to accept it it hasn’t worked. You listen to your fertility hypnosis but just cry through it. You get the test out of the in just in case its changed but it hasn’t and throw it across the room. You start to wonder if you bough the wrong brand of test?
Stage 7. Below Rock bottom
That’s it, even though its only day 7 you decide its over. Might as well eat my weight in ice-cream and crisps and blub on the sofa to Jennifer Anniston movies. You look at any fertility medications and vitamins with disdain as you are convinced they are pointless but take them just in case. You scroll facebook to be faced with a million photos of bumps, scan pictures and nw babies. You vow to delete facebook and travel the world as a digital nomad. Who needs kids anyway? I should be out seizing the day…after this series on Netflix and asking in that fertility group when was the latest anyones positive test showed up?
Stage 8. Official test day.
You tell everyone you know it hasn’t worked but inside there is still a tiny hint of hope you can’t bring yourself to say out loud. You’ve booked a blood test to be sure, you don’t trust pregnancy tests any more. You wonder how soon you can try again if this hasn’t worked, while at the same time wondering what day you could go baby clothing shopping if it has.
Well whatever happens ladies, from me to you…YOU GOT THIS. You’ve made it through the two week wait of hell. That’s survival in itself, I now I bee there many times and I’m still here to tell the tale. You can survive it too. Talk about it, stick together and treat yourself with kindess.