One of the things I am most commonly sent in well wishes for our IVF is links to books, videos and blogs on the law of attraction. Always with the kindest of internationals in a situation that I know is hard for people to know how to help with.
I’ll admit at one time I bought into it. Listened to “The Secret” more than once on audibles. Let myself believe if I just “knew” things would work out enough, it would happen. Thought positively.
Then the IVF didn’t work. And law of attraction made me feel it must be my fault. I didn’t believe enough. That one time I’d let a negative thought push its way into my mind, must have been hurt my embryo. Or because I cried before I took the test.
Because law of attraction – it’s a bit dangerous isn’t it?
I am all for positive thinking. Switching those negative thoughts to positive mantras can be a key to getting through this. But do we really think that by believing it will work, it somehow will? Is that not a whole heap of pressure and blame if it doesn’t? Is that not the same as those “what not to say in infertility ” memes? The “you just need to relax” chestnut. The “it wasn’t meant to be” or you’ve just got to be positive”.
What about those who felt it wasn’t going to work. I have a friend who was convinced it wouldn’t. So much so that straight after transfer her and her husband went out for a meal with a glass of wine. She cried every day of the 2ww wait convinced it hadn’t. Low and behold she was pregnant. Take that law of bloody attraction.
And not just in IVF.
That time you didn’t think you’d passed that job interview but got a call to say you had. The time you thought you’d messed up a date then the next day got a text to say they miss you already. That friend that got pregnant by accident on a drunk night out (bet she wasn’t thinking mindful baby making thoughts at the time!)
Or on the flip side. Those who get awful diseases like cancer. Who have lost their homes in floods. Who are stuck in terrible war zones. What, so they didn’t think positively enough to stop it?
So I call bullsh*t.
Think positively to get through it. To make you feel good. To keep your strength. To feel some control.
But don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t. It’s NOT your fault. It’s that messed up fertility monster striking again. You did your best just by trying.
PS not those who’ve sent me messages with the Law of attraction stuff, I’m not getting at you. You were so kind to think of me when sending those and only ever mean wellness I know. But when I get 100+ of them, it make sure sense to explain why I’m not into that
PPS thank you everyone that’s sent messages saying this blog post helped them take he pressure off themselves but to be as happy as Von Trapps in The Sound of Music at all times x