Calling BS on the Law of Attraction

Calling BS on the Law of Attraction

One of the things I am most commonly sent in well wishes for our IVF is links to books, videos and blogs on the law of attraction. Always with the kindest of internationals in a situation that I know is hard for people to know how to help with.

I’ll admit at one time I bought into it. Listened to “The Secret” more than once on audibles. Let myself believe if I just “knew” things would work out enough, it would happen. Thought positively.


Then the IVF didn’t work. And law of attraction made me feel it must be my fault. I didn’t believe enough. That one time I’d let a negative thought push its way into my mind, must have been hurt my embryo. Or because I cried before I took the test.

Because law of attraction – it’s a bit dangerous isn’t it?

I am all for positive thinking. Switching those negative thoughts to positive mantras can be a key to getting through this. But do we really think that by believing it will work, it somehow will? Is that not a whole heap of pressure and blame if it doesn’t? Is that not the same as those “what not to say in infertility ” memes? The “you just need to relax” chestnut. The “it wasn’t meant to be” or you’ve just got to be positive”.

What about those who felt it wasn’t going to work. I have a friend who was convinced it wouldn’t. So much so that straight after transfer her and her husband went out for a meal with a glass of wine. She cried every day of the 2ww wait convinced it hadn’t. Low and behold she was pregnant. Take that law of bloody attraction.

And not just in IVF.

That time you didn’t think you’d passed that job interview but got a call to say you had. The time you thought you’d messed up a date then the next day got a text to say they miss you already. That friend that got pregnant by accident on a drunk night out (bet she wasn’t thinking mindful baby making thoughts at the time!)

Or on the flip side. Those who get awful diseases like cancer. Who have lost their homes in floods. Who are stuck in terrible war zones. What, so they didn’t think positively enough to stop it?

So I call bullsh*t.

Think positively to get through it. To make you feel good. To keep your strength. To feel some control.

But don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t. It’s NOT your fault. It’s that messed up fertility monster striking again. You did your best just by trying.


PS not those who’ve sent me messages with the Law of attraction stuff, I’m not getting at you. You were so kind to think of me when sending  those and only ever mean wellness I know. But when I get 100+ of them, it make sure sense to explain why I’m not into that

PPS thank you everyone that’s sent messages saying this blog post helped them take he pressure off themselves but to be as happy as Von Trapps  in The Sound of Music at all times x


  1. Anne-Marie
    November 6, 2017 / 9:29 pm

    Yes, this totally resonates with me!
    Aiming to stay positive and strong is a great objective, but unfortunately it does most definitely not guarantee a positive outcome.
    I have had 3 pregnancies… For 2 of those pregnancies, for various reasons, I was terrified of miscarrying and had a ‘doom and gloom’ feeling from the start. One pregnancy did indeed end in miscarriage, but one of them resulted in my healthy now 9 months old baby boy! I had a similar attitude and approach, but very different outcomes.
    I wish you all the very best with your IVF process and I hope that you have a successful result.

    • November 7, 2017 / 5:36 pm

      Exactly this. There are so many times when it proves to be wrong and it put so much pressure on people.
      I’m sorry you went through all of that but glad your little boy got here safely. Boys are so much fun!x

  2. November 6, 2017 / 9:33 pm

    Thank you for posting this! I recently went through a mmc and I told a friend that I had been so scared of having one during the early pregnancy. She then went to tell me that she believed that it did probably attract it to me and that i shouldn’t look up anything bad next time.

    It hurt! Especially as I had felt guilty enough already thinking did I think too much about this and bring it on?
    But it is bullshit. I have tried the secret and tried to manage my anxiety with it but it doesn’t work. Because everytime you get that negative feeling you suddenly feel panicky and guilty about it. What good is that? If anything, it brings more negativity. I practice mindfulness too and find it so much more gentle and non judgmental.

    So thank you for being honest about this. I’ll read this again when I begin my journey for another baby.

    I don’t know you but I have been rooting for you in your journey and wish you so much strength!


    • November 7, 2017 / 5:30 pm

      I’m so sorry you went through that. Losing the baby is not your fault at all. Not in any way.
      Gentle and believing in your personal strength is enough to get us through life.
      Thank you for rooting for us. Fingers crossed for us both x

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